Post 40: Friendzone and Movies

There are a lot of jokes and complaints about people who are stuck in the 'friendzone'. For those who don't know what the friendzone is, I'd say you are lucky. Except that, just because you don't know it doesn't mean you haven't had dealings with it.

The friendzone is the metaphorical place you are put when you are in love with someone, but they just see you as a friend. That is basically what it is, but when people reference it is usually more related to times where they've tried to get out and were pushed back in, or find themselves doing something they normally wouldn't because they love that person.

For example, a guy painting a girl's nails, a girl going to a sports game, or someone letting themselves be used as furniture for the other person if they are only willing to do it because they like the person as more than friend and are hoping this will somehow sway the person into thinking otherwise.

While it is more common to see and hear about guy's being put in the friendzone, anyone can end up in the friendzone.

When girls end up in the friendzone, they often hear that it is good to have a female friend who can be "one of the guys". They tend to hear about how good it is to have someone to talk to about their relationships with other girls or someone to talk about things their other guy friends don't want to talk about.

Guys tend to hear more of the "its so good having a guy to talk to". Guys in the friendzone often hear how nice it is to have a male friend they can relax with and be themselves without having to worry about acting the way they would in front of guy they were romantically interested in. (For some that means,2. wearing PJs, unbrushed hair and eating large amounts of unhealthy food in a manner that would frighten some.)

What I have seen of the friendzone, people put themselves in it and they keep themselves in it, most of the time. I am sure that it is not always the case, but it does seem that way most of the time. People don't say anything, they just assume that the other person will figure it out. People are thick, people are naive, and people are blind about these things.

Also, I find that when a person likes someone they often second guess these things. They may see the signs and ignore them because they don't want to jump to the conclusion and be wrong. So it ends up with two people with mutual feelings not saying anything. Until someone moves on.

The 'friendzone' is often explored in movies and TV shows. Though, they are even more extreme.

However, in media I find that the the people not only put themselves in the friendzone. They seem to enjoy staying there, they keep themselves in this "it is better than nothing" mentality and so they don't try anything or say anything until the person they liked has moved on. Then, they suddenly through a fit and act like they have been betrayed.

In Made of Honour and My Best Friend's Wedding, which are basically the same, are just like that. They are friends, distant friends, but then suddenly the person likes someone else and instead of letting them be happy they try to ruin their wedding. It isn't even like they pulled them aside and said how they felt. They actually tried to sabotage the wedding. As if, the wedding falling apart is all it will really take for them to end up together.

It happens in Beauty and the Beast (2012). Evan is content with being a flirtacious friend and co-worker, until it seems like some else is interested in her. Then suddenly he is getting drunk and kissing her, and he can no longer contain his feelings.

It happens in Mortal Instruments, as well. Simon has been friends with Clary for years, but has always liked her. But doesn't say anything, then she kisses Jace and suddenly he shows up in her bedroom in like the middle of the night. And he is upset with her for being interested in Jace. Seriously, he has this whole 'how dare you like someone other than me, even though we have been friends for years and you didn't know that I liked you as more than a friend!" attitude.

It happens in You're Beautiful. The guy literally likes her from the first episode on and never tells her. He hints at it constantly. He even does the, 'there is this girl I like but she doesn't seem to notice me' bit when talking to her ABOUT her. And then he finds out she likes someone else, and he gets frustrated with her and feels hurt and betrayed. You have been right next to her for SO long. If you had said something earlier, maybe it would have made a difference.

Anyway, for all those in the friendzone, stop and think. How did you end up in the friendzone? Did you tell the person how you feel? If not, can you really complain about being only a friend to someone?

And if you did and they still sent you to the friendzone, might I recommend not going out of your way for them. I don't mean don't be a friend. But, your going out of your way for them is not likely to change their mind.

Also, I just want to briefly mention the 'friendzone' thing in Harry Potter. Ron was technically never in the friendzone. Hermione and Ron liked each other. They just didn't say anything to each other about it. So, she dated Krum. He dated the annoying girl, whose name I don't remember. But, they still liked each other as more than friends.

Post 39: Feminism and Equality

I'd like to start off by saying that I don't think people should be treated differently because of their gender, race, sexuality, religion, age, or income.

I do think that not everyone should be treated equally. I think they should be treated based on their actions, behaviour, and personality. If someone is rude and always treating people like dirt, I don't think they deserve to be treated with the same compassion as someone who is always kind and thinking of others first.

I don't mean to say that these rude people should be treated badly, what I am saying is that I will be less inclined to go out of my way to help them and it is understandable, to me, if others would be too.

This post I want to talk a little bit about the feminism that can be seen online. A lot of times, people who claim that they are looking for equality, aren't. Or, perhaps, they don't even realize that they aren't treating people equally.

Recently, on Facebook one of the people on my friends' list was complaining about how she dropped out of University and how her room mate was threatening to kick her out. He had told her that he would do it if she wasn't enrolled in University. So, it isn't like it came out of no where.

Anyway, the discussion in the comments was all about he was a horrible person for doing that and how dare he kick a girl out on the streets like that? There was a lot of emphasis on the "to a girl". She is over 20. She isn't a child. Someone younger than her not only was kicked out of her house, but moved across the country by herself.

She is perfectly capable of getting a job, or enrolling in classes at a different school. But everyone is acting like because she is a girl, she should be treated like she is incapable. And it was girls who were talking about this!

It comes up in times when women insist men open doors for them, women go first, and things like that. It is like they are saying yes, we want equality. But we also want all the perks that come with you thinking that we are weaker or more fragile, but without you actually thinking of us that way.

Equality isn't like that. It is entirely possible for a woman to open the door for a man. Why can't we just open the door when there are other people coming? Why does there gender matter?