Post 41: FML and Marriage Proposals

I recently got a new app called FML. For those who don't know what it is, it is basically an app form of the social website where people post something bad that happened to them that day. Usually they are short, Tweet-size, so like 50 words. People then vote on whether or not the person who posted really does have some bad luck going their way, or if it was their fault.

For example, a highly rated, "I agree, your life sucks" post was:

"Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation." 

An example of a highly rated, "You deserved it" post was:

"Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the store manager."

So, you can kind of get the idea of which ends up where. Self-pity, karma and people having to deal with the consequences of the stupid things they've done end up in the YDI (you deserved it) side. While, things that involve people being screwed over by fate or someone else end up in the YLS (your life sucks) side. 

Sometimes, they are pretty funny. Sometimes, they are sad. And more often than you might suspect, I question whether they aren't made up. Like ones dealing with partners having an affair. 

I don't know about you, but that is not something I am going to share on a site like this. I mean, one of the highest rated YLS posts is about a woman who was dropped off at work and received a text five minutes later saying, "I just dropped the b**** off at work, I'll be there in a few minutes baby, miss you." And later in the text conversation indicated he thought that he was texting someone else. So, after being insulted and finding out her husband had an affair, would she on that same day sign into a website to post about it?

Anyway, one of the posts I cam across recently was a guy that was upset. He asked his girlfriend's father to marry him and his potential, future father-in-law told him no. And called him a sexist idiot for asking. This is one that I like, not because of the post but because the conversation in the comments is usually interesting. 

Which it was. 

Some people agreed, they said that asking the father dates back to when daughters were seen as property and they needed their father's permission. Some even said it amounted to little more than a business transaction. Which I can see merit for. 

On the other hand, some people (mostly girls) argued that it was the most romantic thing a guy could do. And claimed it was a great way to include the family and show them respect. I can see this side as well. 

But these points got me thinking, is it really either?

Permission, in most cultures, is no longer needed. So it isn't sexist, he didn't mean it that way. He was just doing something that is still seen by some as tradition. But the tradition itself seems kind of hollow and pointless. 

If he says no, then what? Does the guy no longer ask his girlfriend to marry him? What if the daughter finds out? Won't that cause a lot of tension and ill-feelings between the father and daughter? What if he asks anyway, and they get married? Won't that pretty much ensure that the he and his father-in-law never have a good relationship?

It puts the father in an awkward position. He has all these things to think about if he says no. Plus, he is thinking about his daughter's happiness as well. 

So, what if he doesn't like the guy but with all these things in mind, says yes anyway? And then the boyfriend chickens out and doesn't ask? Or the daughter says no? 

And if he only approved to avoid potentially negative consequences not because he actually wanted them to get married, doesn't it seem like it was pointless to ask? And what if the boyfriend was going to ask anyway, doesn't that make it even more pointless?

Also, for the FML, after asking permission and the father saying no, if he doesn't ask does that mean that he is listening to the father and, therefore, further establishing that he needs permission because the father does control who the daughter marries?

Anyway, that is just what I thought. I don't think that it is sexist unless it was meant to be. Like if the boyfriend really thought that it was within the father's power to give his daughter to him. But, my guess is, he was just trying to be polite. I don't really think it is all that romantic, either. So, I remain on the fence about it. 

What do you think?