Post 84: Writing Romance

I have trouble writing romance. That's a lie, but a true lie. Oxymoron, anyone? How about another? Love is the simplest complication to a lot of writers. Why? Because love is ill-defined. There are a lot of conflicting definitions and different types of love.

So, how is it a both true and false that I have trouble writing romance? The same way English and Philosophy are both easy and hard classes. Anyone can just get by and pass in an English or Philosophy class, as long as they do a basic amount of work. However, actually doing well, understanding the material, and learning from the experience takes work.

Anyone can write a pseudo-romantic scene. Just off the top of my head, I get:

Donna glanced over at the back of his chair. They had been working together for years but he never returned her gaze. She had fallen hard for him from their first meeting when he lent her his pen. She had been frantically digging through her purse in distress looking for one, and he had been her white knight saving her from humiliation. She admired him secretly from that moment on and the more she watched him, the more she knew she loved him. 

Now, that isn't bad for an 'off the top of my head' bit. However, it isn't likely to win any writing awards. It was easy to write, but let's face it - it isn't particularly genuine either.

Like I said, it is easy to spit out some romantic, cheesy garbage but writing something that is real, something that makes the reader feel what the characters feel that takes work.

I struggle with the 'real' element. Love is so complex. I keep trying to understand it better, through real-life phenomenon and through literature and media. But, I am still left with gaps. I am still left with unanswered questions.

In media and literature, in particular, love seems to come in four main tropes: opposites attract, friendship into love, love at first sight, or subverted expectations. The last usually happens in love-hate relationships, where the two hate each other in the beginning but then one or the other finds some small factoid about the other and suddenly their entire outlook on that person changes (i.e. ).

I already wrote a post about opposites attracting and why it isn't actually accurate. So, I will briefly talk about the others.

First, about subverting expectations.

In a recent story I read, the girl hated the guy and thought he was annoying until she found he liked bunnies. Then, suddenly he is no longer an annoying jerk, but a lovable dork. He lied to her. He deceived and manipulated her, but it was all excused. Why? Bunnies.In Quest for Camelot, they start off fighting and kind of hating each other, they find out he knew her father and suddenly it's a love story and they're singing a ballad about how their "hearts are one".

In (Disney's) Beauty and the Beast, she expected him to be a monster, but as soon as he shows the slightest bit of humanity she is suddenly ready to fall in love with him. He kidnapped her father. He kidnapped her. He refused to give her food. He threatened her. When she ran away he went to go drag her back, but none of that matters because, in the end, he didn't just let her die. She went back to save him and he still didn't let her be free after SHE SAVED HIM, his attitude didn't really improve, but he is suddenly a better person to her.

And the whole, 'friendship into love' is one I have issues with as well. I briefly cover this in my post on the friendzone. But my main issue is that the other friend always seems to come to an epiphany that they love the friend that is in love with them. It is like most of these stories have the two in love with each other from the start, one friend is in just in such deep denial that it isn't until they almost lose the other person that they realize it. This one seems to go hand-in-hand with the "When Harry Met Sally" men and women can't be friends idea. I just watched a movie that was sort of Cinderella-inspired, where there was a guy and girl best friend. At a party, she meets a "Prince Charming" type who is really nice to her and compassionate and then suddenly 75% of the way into the movie, he becomes a jerk so that she can break up with him and go confess to her best friend who happens to be in love with her too. 

Love at first sight, well, I don't think it exists. At least, not as love. Love at first sight is more like lust at first sight, which creates a bias towards that person that makes whatever they do seem better than it is. I think that this is a romantics point of view. It could be argued that "love at first sight" is the romantic point of view, but I disagree. I think love is more than just physical. I think it is more psychological and emotional, that if you don't know who someone is you can't really love them. And you can't know someone with a look. It is only through shared experiences and time that you can really have that long-lasting kind of love.

Anyway, I don't want to write in cliches and I don't want to just stick to such common themes. I want more than that. Which is what I struggle with.