Post 176: Why Ross Wouldn't be My Friend

I don't like Ross. When Rachel got off the plane to be with him. I was more than a little upset. She was giving up a major opportunity to be with a guy who clearly did not appreciate her work or support her dreams. I mean, she didn't say she was going to stay in France forever. And he considered moving to England to be with Emily, but decided not to because of Ben. But Ben is older now and Emma, his other child who is younger so less able to travel to visit him, would likely be going with Rachel. Really, if he cared about her, he would have encouraged her to go live her dreams. She was really excited about going and it was a great opportunity. If it continued, I would be willing to bet that she resented him for keeping her from that opportunity.  He showed little to no growth, he never stopped being possessive of her and clearly never learned how important her work is to her. None of the things that they fought about in the past are resolved, it is only a matter of time before they come up again except now she will have this major opportunity weighing against them.

Anyway, here are a few of the reasons I dislike Ross. Though, there are many more. 

Cheater:

The whole "we were on a break" thing for starters. Psychology Today defines a break as "not a breakup: It's a pause from the other person—a period to think without having to be around the other person during the thinking period." As Rachel said "we should take a break" the implication is that it is, in fact, a break not a break up. And, therefore, they were technically still together and Ross cheated. His constant insistence that "we were on a break" doesn't help this either, because even in that he says "we were on a break" not "we were broken up". 

Also, some people have said it was never even decided on. She said, "Look, maybe we should take a break....from us." And then he stormed out. So, it was technically left at "maybe".

Now, as it is a bit of a misunderstanding where he took it to mean broken up, not on a break. It could be argued that it wasn't really cheating. 

If we take out the "we were on a break" thing, Ross still doesn't have the best romantic track record in that regard. He said Rachel's name at his wedding with Elizabeth. He cheated on Julie with Rachel. He cheated on Bonnie with Rachel.  When on a date with another woman, he spent most of the night flirting with his ex-wife. He kissed Charlie despite her being with Joey. Despite dating Mona, he said he would marry Rachel when he found she was pregnant. 

Even if it is taken as a break up rather than a break, he waited less than three hours before sleeping with someone else. And it wasn't just someone else, it was someone that both his closest friends also liked. 

Hypocritical: 

Despite being a cheater himself, he is constantly controlling and overprotective of his girlfriends and love interests without taking into consideration how they feel. He follows Elizabeth, his college age girlfriend, on Spring Break. Because he doesn't trust her not to cheat on him. He embarrasses Rachel in front of a guy she is talking to and throws away phone messages for her from other guys when they are not even dating. When they are dating, he constantly embarrasses her at work and is incredibly paranoid about her even spending time with other guys, which leads to them needing to take a break to begin with. He even considers having one of her love interests departed even though she and Ross hadn't even gone on a date. 

Meanwhile, as he gets upset at Rachel for talking to a male coworker, he is going out to strip clubs. When Elizabeth is rightly worried about him spending time with his first love, ex-girlfriend (who I believe he has actually dated on and off like three times at this point), and closest female friend who also happens to be the person whose name he said at the their wedding, he says he won't do it. Actually, he says he will do it and that he won't spend as much time with her, but then does anyway. He practically asks Rachel to quit her job so she won't be around Mark, and she never even went on a date with him and last he knew Mark was seeing someone else. 

He is constantly talking about work. He does not leave it alone and is constantly trying to get his friends to come to his talks and other talks about his subject area. He practically has an emotional breakdown trying to get them ready to go to a work dinner. He interrupts his first date with Rachel to go to work and constantly puts work first. He expects her to understand that he takes his work seriously, but cannot be bothered to even fake interest in hers. He insists on going with Rachel to a fashion talk (just so she won't go with Mark) pretending he is interested, but then gets bored and basically acts like a child trying to get her attention for the first few minutes and then falls asleep. When she brings up the talk she went to with him and her lack of interest, he basically responds "well, that talk was interesting". He doesn't even concede that they like different things. 

When his child comes over with a Barbie, after picking it out himself, he spends the entire time that Ben is there with him trying to manipulate his son into picking a more "masculine" toy. Considering we learn that he actually used to dress up as a woman, that is even more hypocritical. Other than being against his son having a Barbie, he also ends firing his daughter's male nanny because it seemed weird to him. Despite the fact that the nanny was perfect otherwise and got along great with Emma. 

Insecurities and Overconfidence: 

Based on his insecurities and inability to trust that his girlfriend won't cheat him if given the choice, you'd really think he wouldn't be as overconfident as he is. Rachel makes it very clear that she thinks what he did was cheating, so when she calls to meet with him the fact that he just assumed that she had stopped being crazy and realized life without him sucks is presumptuous (exact quote is: "Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realizes that life without me.... a-sucks..." from The One With the Tiny T-Shirt). 

And then after they sleep together and she gets pregnant, she tells him she wants to talk to him. She wants to talk to him, because she is pregnant but he assumes it is because he is just too good a lover (I guess?) that women can't just sleep with him once (exact quote is: "I’m just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Y’know, they-they always seem to want a little bit more." from The One Where Rachel Tells...). Despite the fact that they have slept with each other on more than one occasion while dating. 

This comes a lot with his relationship to his parents. They constantly brag about him and are far more supportive of him than of Monica. In only the second episode of the show their parents are over and basically tell Monica that she isn't made to do great things like Ross is and they go on for along time, with him right there. He literally says nothing. When they go home and it turns out that their father used Monica's boxes of memories to create a wall to protect his Porsche, he helps move his stuff into Monica's boxes (though, clearly doesn't remember their childhood well enough to know what she was actually like). He still makes it about himself wanting to hear his dad tell him about he is a medical marvel while they work. He then gets upset that Monica gets the Porsche instead of him because of it. 

He is incapable of admitting he made a mistake. He gets married to Rachel when they are drunk and instead of getting divorced, he lies to her and tells her he did it because he doesn't want to be "three divorce guy". After their break up, he had a chance to get back together with her if he admitted it was his fault. Which it was. He was the one whose insecurities, jealousy, and lack of respect for her work led to the their constant fighting and the break. On the break, while she contemplated getting back together with him, he slept with someone else. Even if he didn't think he cheated, she made it clear she thought he did and he never apologized for hurting her that way. Most of their fighting about it and running joke for the next season or so was him asserting that "we were on a break". Not, "I made assumptions that we were broken up and that was wrong". He would rather be "right" and deny any culpability, than be with her. Even after he showed up at her office for their anniversary, despite her saying she was too busy, he took over her whole desk and accidentally lit things on fire. He got in her way, he distracted her, he could have burned down the office and when she gets home exhausted after he expects her to apologize for asking him to leave and doesn't see how what he did was wrong or obtrusive in any way.



When she had dreams about the other guys in their friend  group he was jealous but then he practically jumped her while she was having a dream about him. As if the dream was consent to actually do something. She didn't want to sleep with Joey or Chandler after dreaming about them, so why would she want to sleep with him? Honestly, with this in mind rewatching the show makes more sense why he is possessive of her, she exists as his ideal. He always liked her because of her looks and so when it comes to her personality when they are actually together, they often clash (he expresses at multiple points that he thinks she isn't very bright, she is spoiled, and is often vain). He keeps other guys from getting her and doesn't want her with anyone else, even when he is with someone else for that reason. This I think comes up in the fact that he kept count of every time they had sex, which seems really weird and not normal.

Bad Father:

There were 236 episodes of Friends. Of those, Ross's son Ben only appears in 24 of them. Of those 24, one of them involves Ross entrusting the care of a then infant Ben to Joey and Chandler, who leave him on the bus. In another he leaves Ben with Rachel, who couldn't even look after his monkey for one night without losing him. Despite Ben only being in a few episodes, Ross uses his son to get out of things by claiming to watch him to get out of things. He says he can't move to England because of Ben, but he got married without Ben so it doesn't seem like Ben is that big a factor in his life. And then after he has Emma with Rachel, we essentially never see Ben again. 

Emma is also very rarely seen and even when she is seen, she is seen just as often with other friends in the group that Ross. In fact, Joey seems to have a closer relationship with her than Ross. And Ross seemed to have no issue with Emma going to Paris with Rachel. In fact, all of his concerns were around Rachel going. Not once did he bring up being separated from his daughter, or show any indication that he was going to spend any time with his daughter before she went to Paris with her mom or that he had any plans to visit her. 

I mean, Emma was staying with Rachel's mom while she got settled in Paris. Why wouldn't the child's father be the one watching her? Why couldn't he be the one to take her to Paris? Better yet, why isn't he the one taking her? He is her father, shouldn't he actually be acting like it? 

Post 166: WYCLF - Criminal Minds

I must admit, I love Criminal Minds. Reid and Garcia are my favorite characters and if you don't think those two together are a powerful force, then feel free to tell me and I will patiently listen, but be prepared for an essay on why you are wrong with many, many examples. Partially because I love them and love to write, but also because it will give me an excuse to re-watch the show. And you best believe I own it on iTunes as well as the DVDs.

Anyway, I have had this post saved in my drafts for awhile because I was waiting for the right message to write about. I have learned a lot of things from the show, like don't use your birthday as a password and most serial killers are white men between 30 and 50, but that is not really what I wanted to share.

The last episode I saw had the perfect message. The perfect lesson to share.

David Rossi was talking to Emily Prentiss. Two other beloved characters, but not quite as close to my hear. They had, had a particularly bad case and after having many people ask if he was okay, he was thoroughly frustrated. And I get it. When you are upset, but trying to keep going and push through people constantly asking if you are okay is just frustrating. It makes it harder to keep it together and if you are trying to convince yourself that all is well, it is even worse.

He and Emily talk and I think it becomes clear to him, that he isn't really okay. But Emily says she won't ask him if he is. Instead, Emily then says she is going to ask him a question, not if he is okay, but who does he trust enough to admit that he isn't okay.

I loved this. When people constantly ask if you are okay, it is like they are insinuating you aren't. It is like a prodding question that can turn a sore spot into a full on bruise. It makes things worse, especially when the person is not someone you want to or can talk to. Instead of suggesting he wasn't okay, instead of trying to get him open up to her. She is straight with him. Her question is saying, I know you are not okay and you need to tell someone, but that person isn't me, so who is it that you can tell you are not okay too.

I liked it a lot because I remember times when I was upset and people were constantly poking and prodding into why and I didn't want to tell them. Sometimes because it was them, sometimes because it was nothing really and I was just emotional and I didn't want to talk about it. And them constantly asking just made me angrier. It also made me feel more detached. It was like having a secret and people constantly asking you tell them, even when they barely knew you.

I like this because while it was saying he wasn't really okay, it was also saying that it was okay if he didn't admit it to her or anyone else except the person he trusted to tell.

Honestly, it was just such a good line and I think really goes to emphasize the closeness of their friendship and her support as his friend and supervisor.

Post 149: No, X-Files, No!

I am a fan of X-Files, I cannot deny it. I love the show and the chemistry between Scully and Fox. But I will shoot myself in the foot (with a rubber band, because I 'm too afraid this will happen) if they make a new series.

The new season is like a mini-series. It has Fox and Scully back in the saddle again, it is like a continuation. It is great.

However, the newest episode "Babylon", just introduced a pretty boy, daydreamer FBI agent and a red-headed, cynical agent. Sound familiar? Sounds like they are trying to introduce a new agent Scully and Fox, so that they can create a spin-off.

Red-head is also a scientific minded agent who doubts Mulder. Pretty boy is overjoyed at the idea of working in the X-Files, he called it is "dream job". AKA, the new generation of X-Files agents that are basically just younger versions of the original.

Guess what new pretty boy's name is? Miller. So, Agent Miller is the new Agent Mulder.
And even more laughable, Agent Einstein is the rational agent. Einstein. Like really? Anyway, she even has the same hair cut as Dana. Which is unfortunate, because she would really look better with bangs.

The entire episode they switch partners. Dana works with mini-Mulder. And Mulder works with mini-Dana.

I don't want a new spin-off series. Especially not like this.

If a spin-off is going to happen, I don't want it to be like the new Annie. I don't want them to just try and recreate the original. It never works. The new mini-Mulder and mini-Scully don't have the same chemistry, they don't have the same presence on screen, they just aren't the same as Fox and Scully.

If they are going to do a new series they should do something different. Even if it is just swapping their genders and making a girl the one that believes. Maybe having two scientific minded people who have to work with some consultant that is totally out there. Maybe two female or two male agents. Even just making it so that they aren't JUST younger versions of the originals.

If people want to see a cynical red head poking holes in a somewhat radical FBI agents belief in aliens, they can watch the original series.

The show that it seems like they are suggesting and setting up ALREADY EXISTS and it is still popular. It still trends on Netflix and the new mini-series with the original Scully and Mulder will send more people back to it.

PLEASE, please do not let them just try to recreate the old X-Files. It never works out as well as they think it will. And, these two new actors - one of whom I actually know from playing Freddie in the unpopular live-action remake movies of Scooby Doo - just don't seem like they are as deep (or even really capable of playing as deep) as the original characters.

I don't want a X-Files Light version. Please, X-Files, keep the original actors or try something new.

Grace and Frankie

Of things I regret this month, watching this show is one of my greatest regrets. Not to say that it is bad. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The reason I regret it, is that it was only after watching the first season, that I realized that only season 1 was out and that because it only came out a week or so before, it would be a long wait for the next season. And what a cliff-hanger!

As a fan of both West Wing (I even did a review for it) and Law and Order, it was strange seeing Martin Sheen and Lily Tomlin from West Wing. But even stranger seeming Detective Jack McCoy and President Barlet as a couple.

But, the show is interesting and it brings up some very real issues. The show is about two married couples that have been close, though also strained. The husbands confess that not only are they looking for a divorce, they are gay, and have been having an affair with each other for 20 years.

It brings up some real issues: from how the wives feel people will see them and how they couldn't see it themselves, and the husbands deal with coming out as two successful lawyers in their 70s, to how the kids come to terms with it. A big issue that comes up with the kids is, 'can we be mad?'

Which makes sense, their dads cheated. Their dads were leaving their wives. But the main reason they didn't do it sooner was because they felt ashamed and scared. Does that make it better? Does that make it more excusable? This is something they try to work through.

The issues are all treated with the right amount of seriousness mixed with the right amount of humor and respect. It was good. It was funny.

I liked all the characters too. Not to say any of them are perfect. they are flawed in some way and they are all the better for it: from the recovering addict to the way-too-blunt CEO.

I would reccomend it, and have. My friend Negin reccomends it as well. She also says that Nwabudike is her favorite character, and to pay special attention to him. Personally, I like Brianna. But, Grace and Frankie's relationship brings the most heartwarming moments and the most humor, in my opinion.

Chopped (TV Series - 2009)

Chopped is another reality TV Show, like Kitchen Nightmares, but it is much friendlier. The only reality TV shows I really watch involve cooking or kitchens. Another one I watch is called Cutthroat Kitchen, but it really isn't very nice.

Chopped is nice because contestants compete against the clock more than each other. In Cutthroat they are forced to sabotage each other, which means they are much more antagonistic. Sometimes in Chopped, they even help each other out.

I like the show because it is so amazing what these chefs can do with the ingredients they are given. Some of the worst ingredients they they've been given (in my opinion): durian, whole chicken in a can, pork rinds, bacon popcorn, a three-tiered vanilla fondant cake (for the appetizer round), pickle juice, and pickled pigs feet.

How the show is set up is that there are three rounds. The first round is the appetizer round, the second the entree, and the third is dessert. There are four contestants to start and each round the chef that did the worst, goes home. The last one standing wins $10,000 (or more - some rounds have money for charities or money for scholarships).

Somethings that I think people should really have learned by now:

Taste everything. A lot of people who get in trouble, get in trouble for not tasting things and making things too salty or too bland. If they had just tasted it, they would have known.

Include everything. There are four ingredients give to each contestant and they have to use all four. They don't specifically say in the rules that the ingredient needs to be highlight or transformed, but you lose points for not, so - that should be kept in mind.

And the one I think is the most important and most overlooked...

Check the equipment! Like every other episode someone goes to use something and it doesn't work! The ice cream maker doesn't always work. The meat grinders in the hamburger episode didn't work. And people will count on ice cream or something being apart of their dish and then, oops! Not going to happen.

I like the show because contestants show a lot of creativity. And it really is impressive what they can do with what they are given. But what is also interesting is how much variety there ends up being.

Four chefs given the same four ingredients and yet they can end up four completely different dishes. In one episode, the first round gave the contestants things like cotton candy, corn dogs, peanuts, and scallions - and the contestants created things from Pad Thai to Hot Dogs with Pesto and Cotton Candied Peanuts.

I'd recommend it to people who like cooking and people who like puns. Because Ted makes a lot of puns.